Dear Rebels -
It's no secret that trust is built on three key components: authenticity, logic, and empathy. Trust blooms like a flower when all three are present, but if even one wobbles, trust can crumble like a cookie. Today I want to talk about trust and its relationship to authenticity because trust is essential for building strong relationships in our personal and professional lives.
We, as a human species can sniff out in a moment, literally in a moment, whether or not someone is being their authentic true self. It's like we have a built-in authenticity radar! So, in many ways, the answer is crystal clear: to maintain trust, be unapologetically yourself.
Why it is HARD to Be Yourself
Now, you might be thinking, "That sounds great, but it's easier said than done”, right? This can be super easy to do when you're around people who are like you, but if you represent any sort of difference, the prescription to “be you” can be super challenging since we face obscene amounts of pressure to conform.
Trust me, I understand the temptation to suppress my true self, to “tone it down”, and conform to societal norms and expectations. I'm a non-binary human with strong opinions, deep convictions, and a direct way of speaking. My interests diverge from the mainstream, with a unique collection of objects related to the eternal damnation of the human soul and, well, cats. I find comfort in lose fitting clothes, cozy shoes, and rocking a short hairstyle.
The Difference Between "Who You Are" and "Where You Are
In some contexts, this sets me apart from the crowd — and I hope that each person reading this has the beautiful luxury of representing a difference in some context of their life— but let me tell you, it can be incredibly challenging to be true to yourself when you represent a difference. But remember this: “WHO” you are is “WHO” you are. If you find it difficult to be your authentic self where you currently are, then it's time to change your “WHERE,” not your “WHO.” Suppressing your true self only diminishes the trust others place in you.
I've missed out on countless opportunities by managing my true self, holding back who I am, creating art I think people will like instead of creating from a place of authenticity, and not speaking up when someone had disrespected me or those I love. I've tried to fit in, mimicking others in hopes of being liked. I've pretended to be okay when I wasn't, struggling with my own battles and trying to manage my C-PTSD, depression, and anxiety without inconveniencing those around me. So many stories of me trying to change my “WHO” could have been avoided if I had realized that it was my “WHERE” that needed adjusting. Whether it's our physical environment, our mental state, or anything else, do not stop until you find the “WHERE” your “WHO” is best.
We must demand an environment where our authentic "who" can thrive. Refuse to accept being in a "where" that doesn't embrace your true self. If we collectively reject environments that stifle our authenticity, these spaces will start to adapt. However, the moment we compromise and accept limitations imposed by our surroundings, those spaces will have even more time to adjust, making it harder for us to be true to ourselves.
So here's my advice:
- Be yourself, even if it’s scary. The more you practice being yourself, the easier it will become.
- Wear whatever makes you feel fabulous because no one has the right to tell you how to dress your meat sack.
- Don’t be afraid to speak up. Pay less attention to what you think people want to hear from you and far more attention to what your authentic, awesome self needs to say.
- Find your tribe. Start by identifying your interests and values. Once you know what's important to you, you can start looking for people who feel the same way. Next, get involved in your community. This could mean joining a club, volunteering, or attending events. Getting involved in your community is a great way to meet new people who share your interests. There are also a number of online resources that can help you connect with people who share your interests. Some popular options include Meetup, Facebook groups (like Artworks by Chaosxanarchy, and Twitter hashtags. And lastly, be patient. Finding your tribe takes time. Don't get discouraged if you don't find your tribe right away. Just keep putting yourself out there and eventually, you'll find your people.
And to the Leadership that may be reading today...
It is your obligation to set the conditions that not only make it safe for us to be authentic but make it welcome, make it celebrated, and cherish it for exactly what it is, which is the key to us achieving greater excellence than we have ever known possible.
And hey, if you're reading this, thank you. I appreciate it more than you know.
Always,
Breanna, aka chaosxanarchy